you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
