We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
