I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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