It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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