i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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