Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
