Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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