why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
