she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
