u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
