we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
