The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
