sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
