just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
