The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
