my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
