I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
