it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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