I didn't shave. On purpose
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
