Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
how drunk are you?
Several
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
