4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I will die if light touches me.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
