Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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