you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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