Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
