A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
