have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
