Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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