The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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