I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
