yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
someone threw a dead crab at me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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