I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
