420 ftw
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
