I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
