i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The power of my boobs compel you
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
