you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The best revenge is premature balding
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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