She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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