ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
