the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
