I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
