One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
