Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
