next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
