Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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