I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
