What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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