i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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