My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
