Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
