my sisters under your porch take her home
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
