okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
