i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
