i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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