So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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