Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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