just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
