Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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